How I learned my why? Why did I feel down? Why did I feel depressed? Why did I want to end it all?
I recently heard somebody refer to depression as suppressed emotions.
Boy was this a blinding obvious statement that I had failed to realise for so many years.
My failure to deal with any emotional situation was my cryptonite. I felt the emotion inside but I wouldn’t let it out on the outside.
I was brought up that showing emotion was a sign of weakness, that I might be broken and unworthy of deserving love from others.
How could I possibly allow myself to show my emotions when I may be rejected by the people who loved me.
Most of this conditioning comes from our parents from a young age. They are doing their best with what they know and have most likely only had parenting experience from their parents and so forth down the line.
I don’t blame my parents at all. I think I had a great childhood. But certain beliefs we pick up at a young age don’t serve us into our adult lives.
I believe that these are lessons we need to learn, for us to grow in this lifetime. We need to learn as 20, 30, 40, 50, 60+ year olds that we no longer need our parents approval. That we no longer need their validation.
We are our own people. We have our own life. Our own spirit. Our own journey. It’s not our job to please them.
What was my downfall is that I had just gone out into business without the safety net of a job to back up our income. Now I’ll show you the deep roots of the emotional pain that drove me to depression.
Firstly on the surface I was living in fear of not being able to support my young family. I believed I wasn’t capable of continuing to earn an income without the safety net of another income stream. I was in fear mode, but let's go deeper again.
The reason I felt fear all comes back to me. If I was to fail at supporting for my family, I would consider myself a failure, and I had the belief that failure was a bad thing and that people wouldn’t love me if I failed. Let's go deeper again.
As children we are often praised for our achievements and scolded for our failures. Can you see where I’m going? When we fail or are naughty as kids our parents often threaten to withdraw their love from us. We may get ignored, we may get told of their disappointment in us, we get made to feel so small and incapable.
For me at the end of the day it all came back to a fear of being alone, or rejected for failure.
After identifying the pattern that was creating the negative emotions in my life (by the way the business was going well, it was only my imagination making up the fear) I was able to rationalise that I was safe. I wasn’t failing, I was loved.
Our minds often get swept away at creating situations and emotions that are completely fabricated with no solid evidence to support them. In my case rationally identifying the root of the issue gave me the awareness to deal with it.
You have the choice to create in a negative way and make life tough for yourself, or create in a positive way and make life blissful for yourself.
I fully understand though sometimes it’s like those snowballs that you see in the movies, the ones that start at the top of the mountain the size of a tennis ball and by the bottom of the mountain they have grown to the size of a house.
The key is to start to stall the momentum and I’ve learnt now with the Emotion Code this is how I quickly halt the snowball before it gets out of control. The Emotion Code is like the Sun to a snowball. When you use it to clear a negative emotion that comes up, it melts all the momentum away.